It was just an overwhelmingly gloomy summer morning. Serenity was uninvited. The air seemed muggy in the sense that you could smell the rain that was to subsequently come. As the day went on the clouds began to come together as if they were having a giant party, and this was their meeting point. As the clouds drew closer, the sudden whiteness that once was slowly deepened into a shade of gray that seemed to darken minute by minute.
My window does not allow me to experience the same effect that I would have out in the elements as those sudden changes in the clouds were occurring. Therefore, I decide to go outside to witness the coming storm firsthand. The breeze slaps my face because there is something brewing in the air. Chills race down my back like the wind was sending me a warning signal that something big was about to go down. My body tingles with a sense of fear, and even though I know what is about to happen, it still puts me on the edge. While the weather outside continues to change, the storm inside me builds, wanting an escape.
I finally take my seat on the log of an old-rugged tree that is right below my window, and I just absorb it all in this moment: the darkness, fear, goosebumps, chaos, and the unknown. My feelings seem to come at once, but the storm outside comes in waves. First, the sky cries. Small droplets that seem to come one at a time very lightly. The grass feels the temperature change as it dances in the breeze and is ready to be washed of the day’s activities.
The worms come out of the earth, so they do not get drowned and forgotten about from the waters of the storm. Worms are misinterpreted creatures. They are like smaller knock-off versions of snakes that could not do anyone harm. Most people are not intrigued by worms. However, observing them as the rain comes down harder seems to make the world slow down. They are often unnoticed yet have an impact. The worms inch across the rough pavement, just small-bodied creatures waiting out the storm. This is the only time I ever really gave a thought to the worm. They have no eyes, nose, mouth, arms, or legs, yet they can sense what is happening. Their thin permeable skin which allows oxygen in the air to pass through is why the moisture level needs to be just right or they will die. If it’s too moist, they will drown.
My once-dry hair changes from the straight smoothness to wet clumps that stick to my face, and my clothes cling to my skin as if it has become a part of me. I finally sprawl out on the ground and allow my body to be wrapped up into the earth itself. As I sink into the ground, I notice how the grass is now washed, droplets still running down each blade. As my gaze turns upward, I see the sky glaze to a solid gray. The clouds are no longer individuals, but they have merged into one in the massive murky sky. The soft droplets now turn into rain pellets that one after another ferociously beat against my body. The worms have wriggled further from their homes, both of us soaked and soaking it all in.
Thunder finally makes its loud announcement, making itself present and known. Clouds give off the vibrations of the sound as they distribute it below, intense, heavy and unruly. Repetitively, it continues. There’s a constant rumbling, and I wonder if I could slice open the dark clouds if I could see what is happening up there. I finally close my eyes and imagine what could really be happening up in the clouds than just the normal scientific understanding: Maybe all the angels would be bowling or celebrating a soon-to-come promise of God. Maybe God was rearranging the furniture in Heaven because he needed a new set up. Maybe there was a huge worship and praise concert, and they were all jumping obnoxiously causing the horrendous loud sound. Maybe it is different each time. I lay there just wanting to be tuned in and touch what is all around me. My hands sink into earth as the once solid ground begins to soften. The dirt is clay-like and smooth. The thunder dwindles, the last pin drops, the furniture is at rest, the concert is officially over, and at last, there is just the sound of falling of rain. As the rain slows down it brings me to a new place.
My inner storm is finally released in small droplets of salty water that roll down my face. The built up of anger, darkness, chaos, and sense of unknown are finally released after all this time. The earth absorbs all of it, not realizing I felt that way. Peace, where are you? Why have you not come? I released everything and yet nothing.
Built of feelings, humans are good at keeping everything inside, stuffing, stuffing, and stuffing. Then one day it goes dark, the feelings, like clouds, build up with heaviness, and tears start to fall, just like when the sky finally breaks down and the rain comes. The uneasiness that comes with built up feelings creates such a storm. Tranquility is nowhere in sight.
Can humans not talk about things that bother them? Often-times not, because being vulnerable is hard, and conflict is overwhelming. The issues and problems stack up on one another until they need an escape. A release that no one is ready for and often they never realized was an issue at all. Composure is never really a thing with the built-up of feelings. Humans miss out on the sense of quiet when all there is only heaviness, the storm raging inside, and it is ringing in the ears. Finally, there is a crash all at once which releases the storm. Sobs rack the body and then slow down until finally coming to a halt. What now? Where do we go from here?
Rain pauses and the sun starts to peak through the once dark canvas. Rays of colors arch into the sky like painted promises, here and now. Forgiveness was the unspoken sense through it all. The earth began to sparkle with hope of a new start, with the glimmering shine of light.
Humans can experience that sense of hope after the storm, once its released and forgiveness is accepted or granted. Choosing to no longer hold on to the problems, issues, or bitterness, but letting God take all the burdens, and allowing forgiveness to wash over the soul, which brings that sparkle of hope back to your life.