I find it rather hard for me to look back on my life and debate on which three decisions I would choose to go back and change. Though I am not merely too old, almost 21-years-old to be exact, it is still difficult to look back and change three decisions. If this proposition was truly real one would have to debate quite carefully within mind changing such decisions could alter the course of one’s life entirely. But, after some time of debating within my conscience and a little bit of prayer, I truly believe I have come to a satisfying conclusion.
If I could go back and change a decision in my life I’d say the first would have to be telling my father that I loved him and that I forgive him before his untimely suicide. The eight-year-old me at the time would have never done such a thing. How can you have a relationship with your own father when he isn’t around or seems like he doesn’t care? I would tell my dad that I loved him and that I forgive him. I believe this action would result in a whole lot of inner peace for me as a young boy being raised by a single mother with two other siblings, and two others on the side. This action may seem small to some, but for a bastard child, it means a lot.
The second decision I would go back and change in my life would perhaps be getting more involved in church-related activities growing. I have always been fairly introverted; I think that comes along with being a middle child. I was rather fine with being by myself and staying where I was at in my spiritual life and social life. I believe getting more involved with the youth group as I aged would’ve helped me overcome a lot of social anxiety that still lingers to this day. This action would’ve helped me mature better spiritually, therefore, make better decisions as the high school and early college days rolled around.
Finally, the third decision would be embracing my calling from God right when He spoke it into my life. As a thirteen-year-old on his first Kentucky mission trip and coming from semi-Christian family, it was tough, and I was afraid to say that God called me to some kind of ministry; so, I kept it a secret. I wish I would have listened to God right then and there in the Appalachian Mountains of southeastern Kentucky. However, God has an awesome way of bringing things together. A couple of years later at the age of fifteen in Kentucky on a mission trip, I found out my two best friends, Sam and Noah, felt God’s calling in their lives. That week set a course of ministry studies with one another along with our mentor and former church youth pastor. That changed my life forever.
With all that said I shall proclaim that God works everything out for our good (Romans 8:28). He will redeem our past regardless of what we wish we could go back and change. He will heal our brokenness in His time. Out of all the good and bad God will use it all to bring about His glory and bring people to Himself. I have no true regrets about my past, although it is sort of fun and think about possible outcomes of different decisions. God will redeem, restore, and heal.
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